there's paper in my vomit.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
