I'm lost and stupid without you.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
