I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
