I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
