the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
A+ Viking dick
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
