Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Your cock deserves a montage
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Randomize
