I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
COCAINE IS GR8
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
