My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
