Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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