if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Randomize
