I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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