I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
