K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
