Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
