If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
zippers are such a cool invention
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
