Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
