break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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