Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
