Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
