so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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