Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
