Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
