You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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