I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
