fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
