When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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