she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
