OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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