He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
