we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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