So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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