Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
