My hair reeks of homosexuality.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
