Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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