Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
