maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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