omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
