i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just invented taco cereal.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
