She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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