i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
