My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
