Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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