Yo dont text me then not text me
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
