Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
