I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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