I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
