I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
