Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
you had me at cake vodka
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
