You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
