At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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