On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
